I work with a girl that eats a lot of sugar. Actually, I work with a lot of people that eat and drink nothing but sugar all the time. But this one is special. When most animals feel threatened, they show their teeth or make aggressive noises to ward off any attacks. This girl (we'll call her Marcy) is a different story. When Marcy feels threatened, she enjoys announcing that she is "just as stereotypical" as she looks, and tells you about one of the many illegal things she'll do to you in the parking lot if you don't leave her alone. She's a heavy-set African-American girl, just under 5feet tall, and is actually kind of funny on a good day. Most days, though, you find yourself fighting the urge to hurt her.
Last week, Marcy is walking around the pharmacy restocking different areas when she notices the strangest thing happening. Everywhere she goes, she keeps finding Skittles on the floor. Convinced that someone is stalking her with a sugar-coated rainbow bomb, she prowls around for about an hour just scowling at people, watching for any hint of a red plastic bag. She eventually gives up and decides to go back to work, but soon notices, once again, that every time she bends over, a Skittle is waiting for her on the ground. She wanders around wondering aloud about Candy Ghosts and construction workers crawling through vents and dropping candy on her from closed-off ceiling tiles above her head.
The entire time, we're all watching her systematically extract one Skittle from a packet in her front pocket every few minutes or so and pop it into her mouth. Eventually, she reaches the bottom of the bag and begins to question the size of her Skittles packet. Thinking someone at the Mars candy company has it in for black people, she rants and raves for a while about the plight of the poor man and his single desire to be able to enjoy a full packet of candy. In the middle of this speech, she bends over to pick up an IV she's dropped, and three Skittles fall out of her front pocket.
We all watch her face as she slowly realizes she's spent the past three hours trying to find her candy stalker, only to realize she was stalking herself the entire time.
She spends the next two hours giggling maniacally and telling this story to anyone who will listen.
